The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
