I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
