he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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