You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
