So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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