I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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