Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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