She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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