i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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