Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
