I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
