Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
