i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
