Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
