You just made me feel so damn special
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
