Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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