FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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