now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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