In the future we'll all be gay
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
