i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
