Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Who died my cat blue again?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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