I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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