the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
