and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
