She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
