i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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