I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just want nice things and good sex
whose parrot is this?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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