I met the friendliest cop last night
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
