so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
