I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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