How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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