you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
