Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sext me about skeletons
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
