my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
