Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
