oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
