Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
