Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
