yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
