he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
