Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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