Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my vag is so smooth its legendary
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
