Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
