how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
