I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
