Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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