I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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