i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
