Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
