Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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