I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
