Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
