Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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