it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
where am i from again
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
