so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
