WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
