Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
