I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
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