I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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