I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
