I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
