I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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