I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
